Lifeline
by dts12
Summary: If you wish it, wish it now. If you wish it, wish it loud. We all make mistakes - here's your lifeline.
1. Pieces Of Me

**Lifeline; Beyond the pain  
An LP fan-fiction  
****Chapter 1; Pieces of me**

Lucas took in the pair of eyes looking at him, looking at him so intently, as though checking he wasn't going to fall apart. He couldn't breathe, the silence was crushing, and he couldn't find any words to fill it. "Daddy!" His daughter's beautiful voice shattered the quiet, and released the tears Lucas had been fighting; it was the quiet he couldn't bear. He held his daughter close, and hoped she could feel how much she was loved. Gently dressing her for bed, he drank in her beautiful green eyes and her smile, and hugged her close again when her pyjamas were on. As she drank her milk and drifted to sleep, he read her "Cinderella" – his wife had told him that there was nothing wrong with fairytales, and she was right.

Drifting to sleep was easy, as he allowed himself to relive the past, and reawaken his wife, if only for a few minutes; but it was waking up that was the hardest, the worst part of the day. Those few minutes of glorious haze where dreams and reality mixed were all too short, and Lucas couldn't hide from the aching in his chest, where his heart used to be, as each morning he had to remind himself that he was alone. Sometimes the pain became all too much, like now, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't think at all, until an all too perfectly familiar face appeared in his head.

His wife's face was all he saw when he closed his eyes, and for that reason he did it often. There was so much beauty in her green eyes, and she made the ache in his chest lessen, so he could breathe. Today, the day of her funeral he sat in the front row of black and sadness, and he knew it would be hard. He closed his eyes and lost himself in her beauty, as the minister began talking about the love of his life as though he knew her; and he didn't. No one knew what made her laugh, or why she slept on the left side of the bed, or what she'd whispered to him the night they found out she was pregnant.

"Lucas!" An urgent whisper sounded from his left; Nathan.

Luke turned to meet his brothers gaze, sadness and strength emanating from his eyes. "You ready for this?" Nathan gestured to the priest, who asked Lucas to step to the front. He wasn't ready for this, not at all.

Making his way to the front, he glanced back at his amazing family who had been so supportive, and he took a deep breath.

"I'm meant to stand here and tell you about my loss, but find some beauty or meaning in it, and give us all a hopeful message. I'm meant to tell you it was her time, or that God wanted her sooner than expected. I'm meant to say that she is now an angel, watching over us; I know what I'm meant to say. But I can't say any of those things; because they're not true. I loved my wife, with every single part of me, and my heart breaks everytime I think about what we won't get to do together. She won't see our daughter go to school, or ride a bike, or graduate high school or get married. She won't see me as an old man, who can still love with his whole heart. And I won't get to see her get older and even more beautiful, and I won't see the joy on her face when we become grandparents. That's all been taken away, and I can't see any beauty in that, I can't find hope in losing the love of my life. She was my soulmate, and she's gone, but I know I will love her everyday for the rest…for the rest...I..."

Lucas' sentence went unspoken as the tears overwhelmed him, and Haley was there, holding him up, without asking, without a word. He made his way back to his pew, thankful for friends like Haley, who had so much grace and strength, even when she was hurting too. So much hurt, so much love. The rest of the service passed in a blur of faces and sadness. Leaving the wake as early as he could, he headed home alone, to dozens of condolence cards surrounding him, and a thousand memories.

His mom had taken Anna, understood he needed to be alone with what he was going through, and he appreciated that. He didn't want her to feel scared or alone right, and knew Karen would make her feel safe.

The silence thick, he sat down, whiskey in hand, looking for something to distract him. A book on the coffee table caught his eye; he picked up what seemed to be a permanent fixture in his living room; 'Ravens.' He could never understand how someone could reread a book so many times, but Peyton had done it often. It had been years since he'd read the words he'd written, but today he needed to immerse himself in another time, in another life.

He opened the book, and saw the dedication that had been written for him. "Lucas + Peyton = True Love Always. I know you wrote it, but read this book often please Luke. It's a part of me, and you, and Anna. Remember that when my song ends, you have nothing to be afraid of, its just life. I love you. Always yours, Peyton."

Always.


	2. Wonderwall

_I have been TERRIBLE at updating this story, and I'm so sorry to those (very few, I have to admit) readers who read chapter 1 only for me to leave it in the lurch. More regular updates will be coming, and all the little pieces of the story will make sense. Sorry again, and thanks to those who've emailed with interest - the story is back! COMMENTS ARE LOVE!_

**Lifeline; Beyond the pain  
An LP fan-fiction**

**Chapter 2; Wonderwall**

Waking to early morning sunshine streaming through the undrawn blinds, Lucas realized that once again he'd fallen asleep on the couch. Stumbling as he stood, he kicked a glass and cursed out loud as he then stood on it. Hopping to the kitchen, he was very surprised to find a familiar brunette standing in his kitchen, working her way through the dirty dishes, cups and plates that littered the counter.

"What are you doing here?" Lucas did nothing to hide the roughness of his voice, nor his annoyance at being taken care of.

Brooke Davis turned to look at him, and shook her head as she took in his stubble, red eyes and wrinkled clothes that had seen better days. "Lucas Scott, my favourite mourning widow. Still sleeping on the couch I see?"

She smiled, hoping to entice some emotion from Lucas, but his grey eyes just looked blank, as though he had no feelings left.

"Brooke, what are you doing here? I told you yesterday, I don't need you looking after me, I'm fine." He sighed loudly, before rubbing his eyes and heading for the fridge. Grabbing the milk carton and swigging half of it, he left it on the table and headed for the shower.

"Don't forget to shave! You look like crap Lucas Scott," Brooke called after him, as she continued her cleaning to the sound of the shower running.

Hearing Lucas shut the bathroom door; she dropped the dishes into the sink and then tiptoed to the closed door and listened to make sure he was in there. When she was certain, she grabbed a wrapped parcel from her bag, left it on the (now clean) table, and left. Shutting the door behind her, she crept silently away from her old friend, and hoped the present she'd left him would help him heal. She took a deep breath, and tried to hold her sadness at bay as she thought of her best friend.

Sliding into her car she turned on the stereo and smiled as she remembered she'd put on one of Peyton's CDs. As 'Friday I'm In Love' filled her car she smiled through her tears, and drove away, hoping something would help heal Lucas' heart.

- - - -

As the hot water cascaded over his shoulders and down his back, Lucas sighed deeply as his body finally relaxed, weeks of tension pouring out of him as he gave up fighting how he was feeling.

He missed her, he ached for her, and more than anything he just wanted to hold her, kiss her. Did he tell her he loved her, that last morning together? He couldn't remember, their last minutes together short as he was running late for work and she was getting Anna ready to go to Brooke's while she went to work too, both so preoccupied, so busy.

She'd kissed him, soft, quick - they both thought they'd have forever, that they'd spend a lifetime kissing, that they had tomorrow and all the days after that. Then she was gone, CD's and papers in one arm, Anna on her hip, the roar of her car fading as she drove off.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd told her loved her. Did she know that he did, how much?

Lucas shook his head, as though to dislodge all his thoughts about what could have & should have been. He reached for the shower gel, and flinched as its coconut scent instantly reminded him of Peyton, how she smelt in the morning after a shower, how after they'd take a shower together Haley would later tease him for smelling like a girl.

It was too much.

The bottle fell from his wet hands, and hit the corner of the shower. As the bottle cracked, and the gel seeped out, the smell became stronger and Lucas became weaker. His knees gave out, and he slid onto the floor of the shower, his wet, aching body heaving with sobs that tried to release some of his grief, as the water continued to fall, and the memories assault his mind.

"_Wake up sleepy," she whispered, kissing the spot below his ear that he knew he liked._

_Lucas opened his eyes to beautiful early morning light, and yawned as he turned over and came face to face with Peyton, looking wide awake and smiling. _

_Laying on her side too, she leaned to him, and kissed him gently, her hands on his hips, pulling him closer. As his hands brushed her thigh, before moving to her waist, Lucas deepened the kiss, his tongue pushing against hers as he moved across her till he was above her, their hips pressed together._

_Peyton broke the kiss, holding him a distance with a hand on his chest. Sitting slightly, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "I need a shower, are you coming?" Before sliding out from underneath him and heading towards the bathroom, her shorts & vest discarded on the way._

_He didn't need telling twice. Throwing his t-shirt & pants aside, his tanned naked form followed hers into the shower, pushing her against the wall as he turned up the temperature of the water. _

_They were pressed together, as though one, under the stream, as steam swirled around them and their tongues fought together, any pretence at earlier gentleness vanished. His hands were in her hair, hers were around his torso, trying to pull him even closer as she felt the rock hard length of him, and suddenly the pain of wanting him became too much._

_As if he knew, his hands went from her waist to her legs, and he lifted one, wrapping it around his waist, before balancing his weight and doing the same with the other. Breaking the kiss, she took a minute to catch her breath, the heat of the shower & the kiss making her head spin. _

_Feeling his body tense, she gripped his shoulders for support. Feeling him press against her, their skin touching everywhere, his grey eyes bored into hers as-_

"LUCAS!"

His eyes flew open as the sound of Haley's voice pulled him out of his memory, and back to the now cold shower, where the smell of coconut was overpowering.

"LUCAS!" he heard her shout again, louder this time, as though she was nearer the bathroom. Shutting the water off, he opened the shower door and was able to breathe deeply as the air was cooler. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around his hips & opened the door, looking for where his friend was calling from.

"Haley, I'm fine," he called. "I was in the shower, no need to yell."

Walking into the living room, he found her sitting on the couch, her hands full of pictures and drawings. She didn't turn around as she heard him coming, simply sighed before she spoke.

"You took them down." It wasn't a question, and he didn't reply.

She turned to face him now. "You took them down! You chose the frames together, you decorated TOGETHER, and you've taken them down! She drew this for you Lucas…" Haley's voice trailed off, as did her anger, as she passed him the drawing.

**"_Its you. The one I want next to me when my dreams come true, its you. Its you, Peyton."_**

The words he'd spoken, the ones she'd drawn, jumped out at him as he looked at a snapshot of his former life. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before he spoke.

"Why do you care? It's just a picture, it doesn't matter." He threw the drawing away, watching as it landed on the coffee table, avoiding Haley's gaze.

"Lucas, it **does** matter," she said, picking it up again.

"Nothing matters," he said quietly, before turning and walking to his room, leaving his best friend sitting alone, surrounded by snapshots of love story that was too short.


	3. Home Is Me, & You Are Mine

_**A/N:** I totally reworked the second half of this chapter, it just didnt fit or work for me at all. I am such a perfectionist, I often tweak chapters after I write them, and I have so much I want to do with this story, that often the ideas run together. Super sorry! Just so you all know, it all will make sense, I promise!_

**Lifeline; Beyond the pain  
An LP fan-fiction  
Chapter 3; Home is me, you are mine**

Oblivious to the people and sounds around him, Lucas' eyes were focused on the bartender, hoping to grab his attention, but it seemed tonight he was oblivious. Lucas sighed, as the new bar guy finally spotted him & took his time coming over. Having lost count of the number of drinks he'd poured for Luke that night, the bartender didn't bother asking what he wanted; he simply picked up the vodka bottle and filled Lucas' glass. Lucas didn't acknowledge him, simply picked up the glass, swirled the ice around, and swallowed the bitter liquid in one gulp. Coughing as the cold slid down his throat, Lucas looked up and saw the couple next to him giving him a strange look.

"Same again," he said, louder than necessary, for the benefit of the couple next to him.

The drink was placed in front of him, beads of condensation running down the sides of the glass, as the bar swelled with people, noise & heat. Lucas didn't look up, simply picked the glass up and swallowed the bitterness down.

"Same again," he said, putting a wad of bills on the bar. "That ought to cover it." He matched the concerned glare of the bartender with a look of contempt.

"Problem?" he asked, daringly.

"None," was the reply, "none at all."

- - - -

It wasn't until the taxi pulled up outside his house that Lucas was aware he had moved. He didn't remember getting into the yellow car that was sitting idly by the curb.

"That's $6 please," a clear voice spoke from the front. Lucas threw some notes through the hole in the partition, before pushing the door open and falling onto the sidewalk. The cabby laughed before asking, "Need a hand?"

Lucas didn't respond, simply waited for the car to disappear. Hearing the roar of the engine slowly fade away, he tried to stand but his legs were like jelly; so he crawled up the path to the front door, his knees wet from the rain that had fallen earlier.

When he reached the red front door, he sat on the mat and closed his eyes, his limbs heavy as his body gave up fighting to be awake. Holding onto the mailbox for support, he struggled to standing, before finding the handle and pushing. Landing awkwardly in the hallway, he pulled himself to the couch and finally was able to lie down, in the dark.

Hearing nothing but the sound of his heartbeat getting slower, and the gentle in-out of air in his chest, Lucas was suddenly aware of being alone in the house. Wishing so hard it wasn't true, he almost fooled himself into thinking there was a noise in the kitchen, that somehow she was here.

The silence was almost deafening, the dark house showing no signs of life. Breathing in slowly, Lucas felt the familiar ache in his chest, the pain that not even alcohol could numb; it felt like his heart was literally breaking, and there was nothing he could do to stem the tears that flowed as he wallowed in his sadness, as he thought about Peyton.

Wanting to be near a part of her Lucas stood slowly, the vodka he'd drank making his legs shaky, and made his way down the hallway to his bedroom, cursing to himself when he bumped into furniture. He sighed with relief when he fell onto the bed, and kicked off his shoes, socks & jeans before climbing under the covers. Reaching underneath the pillow next to him, he pulled out a very familiar t-shirt, and held it to his face, breathing in the floral, light scent that still lingered. Peyton's A&A shirt was her favourite to sleep in, and Lucas loved it too, especially the way it left her legs deliciously bare.

He hadn't washed any of her clothes, didn't want to wash away her smell, the last piece of her Lucas could hold onto. His heart slowed as he held her shirt near, as though that small piece of her allowed him to relax.

Finally, he found some escape as the alcohol swirling in his stomach, and the smell of the woman he loved, combined to let his mind rest, and for him to drift in an easy sleep.

--

The next morning Lucas woke with a start as he heard a door slam loudly, reverberating through the house. Sitting up suddenly, his head felt like it was going to explode as a headache began pounding relentlessly.

"Peyton, is that you?" he called out, hearing nothing but silence back. "Can you put on some coffee?" he asked again, before falling back against the pillow. Lying in the bright morning light, Lucas willed the throbbing to stop, as he focused on simply breathing slowly, keeping the nausea at bay. He turned to see the clock, and felt something brush against his cheek; Peyton's shirt.

Holding it in his hands, and hearing nothing but silence in the house, Lucas took a shaky breath, as his heart caught up with what his head already knew.

The pain in his head was nothing as he was forced again to remember that his wife was no longer with him, that he was as alone today as he was yesterday. He could feel his heart beginning to race, as he glanced at her side of the bed, and saw that her side was untouched, a reminder that he slept alone.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, as he felt a familiar wave of anger and grief wash over him. His attempts at numbing the pain last night made him feel even worse, as his hands began to shake and his head throb even more intensely.

Gritting his teeth, Lucas forced himself not to cry, to spend one day without breaking down in tears. Haley reassured him it was ok, but he knew that when Anna came home, when he was strong enough to face it all on his own, he couldn't let himself fall to pieces so often.

As a few stray tears dripped slowly on his hands, Lucas looked down, and his sadness was replaced by a swell of anger. As he looked at his wedding ring, at the engraving Peyton had made specially, he didn't feel sad anymore. He was enraged.

Yanking the white gold band off the third finger of his left hand, Lucas let out a yell that seemed to rip from his soul, as his bitterness and rage at his wife's passing escaped in a loud roar that seemed too angry, too raw to come from a man who had loved so tenderly, so freely.

Holding his wedding band in his hand, it suddenly felt white hot, as though it burned his skin; he looked at it, read the small writing on the inside; When you fixed my car, you fixed my heart, and threw it, as hard and as far as he could through the door leading to the hallway. He heard it hit something glass, and then heard it break as it fell and hit the floor.

Lucas held his head in his hands as he waited for his heart to stop racing and his hands to stop shaking. His breath came in rasps as he slowly tried to regain control of himself.

It was the suddenness he couldn't get his head around, that one day, one morning she was there, his beautiful, blonde, sexy wife, and then that afternoon, he'd gotten a call from Haley, she was in an ambulance, sirens blaring, heading towards the hospital, his Peyton barely clinging to life.

If he'd known that that night would be the last night he'd feel her next to him, he would have kissed her deeper, held her closer, stayed awake all night, just holding her, watching her sleep. There was so much he never said, things he'd never told her, words she'd never hear now.

He closed his eyes, as he felt his heart begin to slow, and remembered their last night together, except of course they didn't know it was their last night. They both they'd have forever, that they'd have the next night, and the night after that…

_"And Sleeping Beauty and the Prince lived happily ever after," Lucas read, closing the book quietly as he saw his babies eyes fighting sleep. "Daddy loves you, pretty girl, sweet dreams." He pressed a kiss on her forehead, and slowly walked away, smiling as he avoided the toys and books strewn across the floor – she definitely got her messiness from her mother._

_Looking up, he saw her standing in the doorway, her hair wet and beginning to curl around her shoulders, a few drops of water landing on her shoulders as she watched her handsome husband precariously find his way through dolls, teddies, crayons and drawings. Lots and lots of drawings._

_He looked at her, stood in the doorway, her hip leaning against the door jamb. She smiled as Lucas kissed her gently as he tiptoed out of the room, before quietly closing Anna's door, and pulling Peyton in for another kiss._

_It was slow, languid and full of meaning as they stood together in their hallway, joined at the lips, simply enjoying each other as they reconnected after a busy day. Breaking away, Lucas wrapped his arm around her, and led her toward their kitchen. Sitting her in a chair, he kissed the top of her head before heading toward the stove, flicking it on before filling the kettle with water._

_"So how was your day?" she asked, turning to face him. _

_He placed the kettle on the hot stove, took a cup down and placed a teabag inside, before turning and smiling at her. "Long. I had a call from my editor in New York, she wanted to talk about my new chapters, the ones I haven't sent her yet, they're not ready yet, I'd rather wait"_

_"Lucas, she's an editor she's meant to help you make it better. It doesn't have to be perfect! She just needs to know you're writing, and you are. I love your new stuff, its an amazing love story."_

_"Well I don't know about that… the ending is messy, and the chapters are too long…"_

_Lucas' sentence went unfinished as Peyton stood and pressed her lips against his, quieting his protestations that his work wasn't good._

_"You know your writing is amazing Lucas, how could it not be?" She smiled, placed one hand on his chest. "You write from the heart."_

_"Have I told you lately that I love you Mrs Scott?"_

_She smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, before whispering, "Prove it."_

_He picked her up in one easy, fluid motion and carried her bridal style towards the couch, her tea forgotten._

_She let out a yelp as her feet left the floor, before nestling close to his chest and enjoying hearing his heart beating, inhaling the lingering scent of his aftershave on his neck. She gently kissed the bare hollow of his throat, felt him take in a sudden breath she placed another kiss just below his ear._

_Lucas sat down on the couch, Peyton on his lap, and kissed her, deeply, his hands running through her blonde hair as he poured all his feelings into the meeting of their lips._

_"Oh!" Peyton said, jumping slightly and breaking from the kiss. She looked up at Lucas, her face full of surprise. He frowned at her, held her hand, waited for her to explain._

_"Oh!" she said again, laughing at the surprise. She smiled at Lucas, his confused expression. _

_She said nothing, simply kissed their entwined hands, and moved them to her stomach, never taking her eyes off him, smiling as he felt it too._

_"Oh!" he said, as he too felt their unborn son kicking._

Lucas' trip down memory lane was interrupted by the phone ringing, and then the machine clicking on.

_"Hey you've reached Peyton and Lucas we-"_

Hearing Peyton's voice on the machine stirred a strange reaction in Lucas. He flew from his bed, and hurried to the phone, interupting her message and stopping her voice from echoing in their house.

"Hello?" he asked, as he bent and picked up the broken glass from the floor, sighing at his anger and his stupidity.

"Hey Luke, its me," came the reply. "Jamie and Nathan are off to the rivercourt, and so I wondered if you were free this afternoon?" his best friend timidly asked.

Luke cursed under his breath as he cut himself on a piece of a piece of glass. "Haley, I'm really not in the mood. Okay?"

"Lucas, I wouldnt ask if it wasnt important. I have something for you, a gift."

Lucas sighed. "Haley, my birthday isnt for months. Just leave it alone, I'm fine."

"This isnt about you. I have something to give you. Its not from me." She paused. "Its from Peyton."

**Comments are LOVE. Seriously want to know what you all think! :):):)**


	4. Champagne Supernova

Lifeline; Beyond the pain

An LP fan-fiction

Chapter 4: Champagne Supernova

_Dear Lucas,_

_Part of me hopes you never have to read this letter, that I'm lying next to you now, my head on your chest, your heartbeat the lullaby that sends me to sleep. If I'm not, know that more than anything, I want to be next to you – and I hope that part of me is with you as you read this._

_I love you Lucas Scott, more than anyone ever has or will. You've meant more to me than anyone I've ever known; and I know you loved me too, even when you didn't say it._

_We've been through a lot, you and me, and I wouldn't change any of what's happened, because it brought me to you, and brought us our beautiful daughter, and a life together, however short._

_Sitting writing this letter, I have no regrets, not one. Not even the bad memories or the time we spent apart – because you were always in my heart, and I'm aching now at the thought of you, in our bed, alone. _

_Do you remember the first time we met? I was thinking about it yesterday as I drove past the river on my way to work. I didn't know it then, but that day changed everything, it was the start of something beautiful, and real, and heartbreaking._

_It was the start of us. _

_You only fixed my car, but something happened that day, you opened up to me so unexpectedly, and I felt hope, for the first time in a long time. I guess you did always know me._

_I hope one day you take Anna back there, to where we began, and tell her how special that spot is. It's where I fell in love with you Lucas; I just didn't know it at the time._

_More than anything, I wish I had the time to tell you what you mean to me, and take you back through my memories and tell you all the ways I love you, but there isn't enough paper in the world. Just know that I do, and I always will._

_Anna is waking from her nap now, and I have so much more to say, but I need to go. There are other letters to you, other memories I need to share. They'll find you, don't worry._

_All my love,_

_Peyton_

"I don't understand, I don't understand at all." Lucas' voice was expressionless, numb, as he spoke aloud for the first time in minutes. Haley was sitting with him, her hand reassuringly on his shoulder, brushing away her own tears as she watched her friend try to make sense of what he'd read, of what it meant.

"She wrote me a letter, after we went to the doctor, after we decided to continue with the pregnancy and she told me she knew she would be ok she… she… spent her last months preparing for this? For death?"

Lucas stood now, turned to face his friend, anger replacing the sadness in his grey eyes. "You knew! You knew, and you didn't tell me."

Haley took a deep breath; "Lucas, she was scared, she didn't know what was going to happen and wishing for it all to work out was really naïve of you. She did what she thought she needed to." Haley went to her friend, slipped her hand in his, "She had so much unfinished, so many things left unsaid. She wanted more time, more chances to say all the things we don't say because we think we'll have tomorrow. She loved you, and she needed you to know."

Lucas pulled his hand away, walked away from his friend, and opened his front door; "Haley, what I needed to know, was that my wife didn't think she would make it. And you kept that from me. So just go, please, before I say something I'll regret."

He didn't bother waiting to see if she left, didn't hear the gentle click of the door as it was closed, and didn't see her leave something for him on his coffee table. He simply walked away, from her, from the things she'd never told him, and from Peyton's letter.

-----

He didn't know what time it was, but judging by the darkness outside his windows, he figured he'd been sat on the sofa for a while, he hadn't noticed time slipping away as he thought, and thought.

"_Mr & Mrs Scott, please have a seat." The doctor rose to shake their hands, and welcome them into his office, a strangely impersonal place, lacking in colour or any personality. There were no paintings, no plants, no photographs of his family. Lucas looked around him as he sat down, and wondered what kind of life this obstetrician had outside of the hospital._

_Peyton smiled weakly at the doctor as she sat down, her hands shaking, her lips clasped together tightly as she struggled to remain calm and in control of her tears while the man in front of her, the man who didn't know her or Lucas, read her notes and tried to find the best way to shatter their hopes._

"_Mrs Sawyer I-"_

_She interrupted. "Peyton, please."_

_The doctor nodded, and smiled faintly, before continuing. "Peyton, I have your notes here in front of me. You went for a scan earlier today? And everything went ok I see? You're having a boy, congratulations."_

_Lucas' hand tightened around hers, as they both took in the news that they were having a son, that their family would be complete – a boy and a girl._

_Lucas cleared his throat. "Dr, we went for the scan, and the nurse said things were fine, but she sent us to you….can you explain why? We're just worried that's all, no one has really told us anything."_

"_I was just coming to that Mr Scott. The scan we did on your wife showed that while the baby is growing at a steady rate, and there are no abnormalities detected, there are a few complications." He paused, trying to find the right words._

_Peyton turned to Lucas, her green eyes filling with tears, a hand over her mouth, as she took in a shaky breath and reached for his hand, interlocking their fingers._

_She spoke barely above a whisper; "Complications?"_

_The doctor nodded. "Your placenta has become detached from the uterine wall in some places, which is the cause of the light bleeding you described to the midwife today. Providing it doesn't detach anymore, and stays where it is, the pregnancy should continue as normal, and we can deliver the baby earlier via a c-section to minimize the risk to you."_

"_And if it doesn't stay where it is?" Lucas struggled to find words, as he waited for the doctor to deliver what he felt was to be the hardest blow to hear._

"_If the placenta continues to detach, if it becomes a placental abruption, we would be very concerned for Peyton and her health, and the baby as well. We cant be sure of what will happen until it happens. We will monitor-"_

_Lucas stood then, his attempt to stay calm and quiet failing him. "So you're sitting there in your office telling me in a very matter-of-fact way that there is a good chance I could lose my wife and my son, and that's it? That's all you can say?"_

"_Mr Scott I can assure-"_

_Lucas didn't wait to hear what else the doctor had to say. He simply picked up his jacket, kissed his wife and walked out of the office, ignoring everything around him until he was outside, and he could breathe again. _

That was all he could do today, was try to keep breathing. Taking a deep breath, and stealing himself for what he was about to do, he picked up the phone and dialled, and waited for someone to answer.

"Scott residence."

Lucas cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "Nate, hey, its Luke."

Judging by the silence at the other end, Lucas figured Nathan had heard about his earlier spat with Haley. "You know why I'm calling, is she there?"

Lucas wasn't sure if his brother had heard him or not, until he heard Haley come on the line. "Lucas if you're calling to apologize, don't bother okay, I'm sorry."

Lucas shook his head, amazed at the depths of Haley's forgiveness & understanding. "Hales, don't okay, I was being a dick and I'm sorry. I just… She never told me, y'know? All the time we talked about what could be or might happen, she never said how scared she was, and now…. She can say all the things she never did, she had a chance to write it down. What about me? What do I get?"

Haley struggled for words. "You get… you get to raise your daughter, and live Lucas, you get to live! Don't throw that away, please. Don't let the darkness win. Okay?"

Lucas smiled, despite himself. He had an amazing family. "Okay Hales, night." He hung up the phone, and put it back in its cradle. As he did, he saw the pile of drawings and photographs he'd taken down weeks ago, memories he didn't want to see.

Picking up the pile, he went through them one by one. He smiled and laughed as his adolescence was relived, moment by moment. He stopped at his favourite drawing, pausing to take it in. It was the day Peyton had described in her letter.

**First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't know me.**

Smiling through the tears, he looked through the rest of them, each one holding a piece of his heart. A shattered, broken piece.


End file.
